Mothers, are you passionate about raising a son with magnificent standards? Even more than the partner you choose, the son you will always have is worth not settling for. Set the most magnificent standards for him to live up to, and someday, a partner will come into his life and thank you that they receive the benefits of what you’ve done.
Want to know more? Here are 5 guidelines for mothers of sons:
#1: Give Him Your Energy
Your son spent nine months connected to a pure source of feminine energy and if you nursed him, he spent many more physically connected to you as a source of nourishment and comfort. He will spend the rest of his life looking for the safety and comfort of a pure source of feminine energy to soothe him when he is afraid and balance his own masculine energy. His personality will determine his preference for how often and how intimate he prefers this. It may just be talking to his mother, it may be your words of encouragement and pride, it may be that he wants to be held and having his skin or hair stroked – your job is to intuit this and offer it when needed.
THE BENEFIT: He will seek out a partner who has the energy to invest in a relationship and will avoid partners who have a void to fill where energy can only go one way.
#2: Set Firm Boundaries
How he interacts with you is how he’ll interact with his partners throughout his life. You will have succeeded more in setting him up for success by being firm with your boundaries early, then by applying the rest of these principles combined. The greater the level of masculine energy one possesses, the greater the degree of strong will you will experience. This is excellent for breaking down the barriers he will face in life and attacking the obstacles he faces without giving up, but not the appropriate energy for dealing with relationships. A strong willed child may begin testing boundaries even before they have the word “NO!” available to them. What we all have the right to is personal preference, what we don’t have the right to is wilfully disobeying instruction from authority when it comes to our health and safety. Asking a child to come to you is a matter of safety, of life and death. It needs to be immediate and without being questioned. Asking, “Why?” is appropriate after they have responded, not before. Respect is in tonality. Leadership may be questioned, but permitting a challenge to authority sets a child, and particularly a strong-willed child, up to use the power of their refusal as weapon. It is easiest to confront this the first time it shows up, but is virtually impossible to shift this once they have become a teenager who has the physical size to confront you or the resources to consider leaving you.
You don’t have to be ‘heavy’, but someone must be available on a consistent basis to let them know in firm terms what is appropriate and the level of respect that is demanded. This can be your partner, a relative, a big brother or other masculine influence if you’re not comfortable with applying boundaries firm enough for him to take notice of.
THE BENEFIT: He will treat everyone in his life with respect, stand up for those being taken advantage of and will not use his voice or physical size to intimidate or try to get what he wants.
#3: Provide Healthy Outlets of Expression
The nature he is born with will determine what he is drawn to do, your role is to provide him healthy expressions for it. This is most challenging when you have a child whose personality is radically different from your own. Where you may find the biggest need to simply accept his energy is if you are very peacefully feminine and he is hyper expressive in being physically masculine. Wrestling, hitting, yelling, playing with guns or violent video games are all intense expressions of masculine energy. The goal isn’t to socialise this out of him, but to create healthy and appropriate expressions and boundaries for this energy. Physical contact in competitive sports is appropriate, lashing out with physical expression when frustrated or excited is not. Pointing a gun in a video game is acceptable, or in laser tag or paintball, but pointing a gun, even a toy one at someone not part of the play is not. Your preference of the personality that is most naturally engaging to you can’t be what determines how you direct the things your child is attracted to. If you attempt to change their nature, they will either rebel or repress themselves and express it once they feel they have more privacy and freedom or internalize a level of dysfunction. The reverse can be just as true where a boy with a very gentle feminine nature can’t be made to “toughen up” by being pushed into things designed to make him more forceful and aggressive.
THE BENEFIT: He will grow to apply his competitive energies into the appropriate areas of work, sport and hobby and direct his collaborative energies into relationships.
#4: Get To Know Him
More than being taught everything you know, what he wants is to be loved and accepted for everything that he is. No matter how different he seems from you, taking the time to intimately get to know at least one of the things he is passionate about will provide the foundation of trust. The less naturally inclined you are to know about a particular interest or activity the more emotional currency you will have with him if you take the time to understand why he’s into it.
THE BENEFIT: He will seek out relationships with partners who deeply care and appreciate him for who he uniquely is. This will set him up to know what to look for when choosing the most ideal life partner. He will know to look for more than chemistry, but for a partner who takes the time to get to know the most meaningful parts of him and adores those qualities about him the way no other person can.
#5: Accept Him
We all feel strange, different, unacceptable and unlovable at points in our lives. More than anyone else we turn to our mothers for a sense of absolute acceptance. Acceptance is easy when our children are a lot like us, but if your child is significantly different, has a learning disability or special needs this can be much more difficult – but it doesn’t change the fact that they want their momther to love them unconditionally no matter who they are or what they’ve done. If you’re a single mother, setting firm boundaries and loving unconditionally become complicated because you’re being asked to apply masculine and feminine energies at different times with almost surgical precision. I encourage all single women to not stop searching for a strong masculine role model if that’s not the role they want to be in long-term and the boy’s father doesn’t meet this need. You need to have the energetic space in your life to love unconditionally. This means doing whatever it takes to find a way to be on top of your own personal, financial and relationship needs so you have energy left over when your child needs you. This will be most critical if you’re a highly feminine woman with a highly masculine son who reminds you of his father if you’re not in a good space with his father.
THE BENEFIT: He will grow up to become a man who believes in himself, his potential and his purpose. You will have given him the ingredients early on in life to grow into an Evolved man rather than leaving him to blindly search around for them in a world where most men are confused, ashamed and frustrated. The earlier you begin living these qualities in relation to your son the better he will do, but no matter how old he is there will never be a relationship more intimate to him than his mother. He may split from a partner, but you will be the ever present standard of feminine energy in his life. Make it one that requires a magnificent woman (or man) to live up to when he chooses a partner of his own.
Our generation has an opportunity to do more than raise responsible men, we have the opportunity to raise magnificently conscious men living with passion and purpose. The most powerful influence in a male’s life is that of a conscious feminine woman with firm boundaries who won’t settle for less than she knows is possible.
By the way… my mother is a hero. She saved my life by spending the better part of 10 years struggling to figure this out for me. Because she never quit until she found the answers for me I’m not only alive, but have become a man living with a connection to something greater than self.